i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
