what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Randomize
