she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
