I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Gay?
German.
Pity.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
