dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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