I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
