I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
