My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
