You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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