Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize
