The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
