I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
