So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
