I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
