I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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