I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Michael Bay diarrhea
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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