I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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