The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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