I cannot find my penis.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
