Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
