dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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