you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
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