I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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