I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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