Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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