i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
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