Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize