I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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