Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
