think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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