Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
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