Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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