it was like his penis was on wheels.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
