yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
