What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
