I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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