I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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