She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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