Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
i think i just lost a toe
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
