Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
