I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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