I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
