I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
