I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
