Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
