I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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