just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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