There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Randomize
