k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
