Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
