Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
