WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
