There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
