Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
