Swine flu. Run for my life!
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
