I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
