Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
