I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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