i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Randomize
