I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
