I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
