So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
