Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Randomize
