I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
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You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
50% drunk capacity currently
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Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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