Moan for me like Helen Keller
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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