Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
