Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
How does one acquire holy water?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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