I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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