Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
