remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
