I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I think your dad took our porno
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
