I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
