C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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