she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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