i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
