Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
And then he peed in my hair
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
