you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
