So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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