your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
