I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
