Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
