Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
