if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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