Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Randomize
