so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
